random short bits

Page One: Remarks 1-50

Doll Parts?
Lurker Thingies in the Wild
On Sacrificing Virgins
On Poorly Formatted Posts
From a David Bowie Online Chat
On Stardust Casting
Anagrams of Neil Gaiman
Flirting With Luna
Word Origins
Feel the Love (for Marilyn Manson)
Screaming to be a Song
God Given Right to the Internet
Worst Pick-Up Lines
Reg & Garry, the Duel
Neil on Leo (Titanic)
On the Dream Action Figure
More on the Dream Action Figure
Odd 420 Moment
Currently on eBay
Newsgroup Baby Names
In Need of a New .sig
ObGaiman: We'd be cool in Spain
Birth of a Pick-Up Line
Neil as Pick-Up Line
On Eddie the Ignorant Poster
Personal Feeling About E-ville
Chapel Hill
Beware of Dog
Be Afraid
NightWalker as Santa Claus
Remarks on the Corinthian
Safe Muppet Sex
Shameless Plug Gone Wrong
"Young Goths" Category on Jeopardy
Patented Harvey Response
True Religion
An Appropriate Welcome
Mousey Saga
Ivory's Resume
Evil Pun Thread Begins
Pink as the New Black
Game Show Idiocy
Evil Puns Continued
What if all the Thingies lived under one roof?
On Becoming a Famous Author
We're All Special Here

Doll Parts? - Miss Sunshine

my father who is an archeologist by profession and a minister by mail order degree has also declaimed himself the premire forensic anthropomorphologist in the country. which means he finds babydolls who have been somehow mutilated in the forest or on the road (or now people just give them to him) and investigates their deaths. then he nails some of them (parts or whole) on our woodshed and puts the heads in a giant three foot bubble gum machine that someone found in the woods. Then every year he picks the most gruesome photos and adds a themed photo of himself (this year it will be the two of us in white shirts and ties seated solemly at a table examining a doll surrounded by dollparts taped to stakes) and makes a yearly calander.

miss sunshine, who never had a chance

Lurker Thingies in the Wild - Jenny Jo

"Today we travel to the windswept steppes of the Alt-Fan-Thingie, in search of the elusive Gaimanian Lurker. This shy creature will remain perfectly silent until it is lured into the open by a sense of trust, which can be only instilled by unfailing courtesy, politeness, and the withholding of sharp and pointy objects on the part of the observer. Having established a comfortable environment, all that remains is for us to wait for this charming denizen of the Usenet world to make its appearance..."

On Sacrificing Virgins - Joe "Puck" Fulgham

Well... sacrificing the girls who put out would be a very stupid idea.

On Poorly Formatted Posts - Joe "Puck" Fulgham

Y'know, I'd love to respond to that posting, but it was a single 82 line paragraph with no spaces after the sentences, and after two lines, my brain started to fry.

This is your brain. <egg>

This is your brain on poorly formatted usenet postings <burnt remnants of fried egg, sticking to the pan, carcinogenic smoke still curling skyward from the melted plastic pan handle>

From a David Bowie Online Chat

JanGenie: Do you read any Neil Gaiman? If not, you should.

David Bowie: Love Neil Gaiman. Think his work is fabulous

On Stardust Casting - Charles Vess

Kate Winslet, you bet! That's who I was thinking of when I painted the pictures. Dicaprio? Only in stilts with a bag over his head.

Anagrams of Neil Gaiman - Jenny Jo

Neil Gaiman
A Mini Angel (but we knew that already. :-)
A Male in Gin (Wait, doesn't he drink...err...something else?
Am I in a glen? (He's not usually that confused.)
I'm Angelina! (This would be *after* the operation.)
I'm in Angela (wonder if his wife knows.)
I'm Algae Inn (That's what happens when you sit in the bathtub too long...)
In Elm Again (Dammit, how are we going to get him down?)
Elgin Mania (He collects marbles.)
Anal Gemini (Thought he was a scorpio?)
Age in Milan (He's made his million, now he can retire in Europe...)
Menial Gain (what he gets from the Sandman movie)
I gain an elm.. (Are elms menial?)

Flirting with Luna - Harvey Lee

She tasks me. She tasks me she does. But I shall have her, oh I will. If I have to chase her across God's green Earth, 'round the Dreaming's endless borders, or to the end of the universe itself, she will wear these pink hot pants. This I vow on Ivory's grave.

<que backlighting for trench coated silhouette>
<ominous choir fades to silence>
<que Luna>

Word Origin - Karen McMurray

From "Forgotten English Knowledge Cards" (a pack of flash cards with unusual and disused English words) by Jeffrey Kacirk.

sandesman: Middle English expression for messenger, literally a "man who was sent." Anglo-Saxons used the similar sandismeme, which was later anglicized to sandaroon. Until 1653, when a primitive postal system was first organized in Paris, all correspondence was delivered by courier. Fearful of how the new service might affect them, the messengers deposited mice in the new letterboxes. From this collection of liaisons eventually came the sandman, a messenger of slumber sent to lull children to sleep.

Feel the Love (for Marilyn Manson) - Reg

To be honest, the only person Marilyn Manson makes me want to kill is Marilyn Manson.

Screaming to be a song - Morgana

From wearing black clothing to wearing black skin,
and feeling like you're on the outside looking in,
there's a lot of restrained anger out there.
And sometimes it just blows.

Womanizer - Reg

A womaniser ? Me ? Unthinkable ! I deny the allegation and defy the alligators. I haven't been so insulted since the last time I ate at a French restaurant.;-)

I may spend compliments as freely as a sailor on shoreleave, that is my nature, but if I wanted to pitch some serious woo, I assure you, you would know the difference. :-P

God-given Right to the Internet - Chris Shumway

Just making sure nothing can interfere with our God-given right to the internet.

Socialize ISPs[1]! Viva la revolucion!

[1] Right after socializing breweries and brothels, of course. [2]
[2] Although it works on paper I have deep misgivings about the quality of state-provided ISPs, breweries or brothels.

The Worst Pick up Lines - Everyone!

"Do you come here often?" "Why? Is the floor sticky?" - Reg

"So, do you live around here often?" - Steven Wright (posted by Sheri)

"What's a nice joint like you doing in a girl like this ?" - Reg

"That dress is very becoming on you. Of course, if I was on you I'd be-coming too." - Chris Shumway

"Pardon me, but you're standing on my penis." - Chris Shumway

"Did you know glass is a liquid?" - West Flanagan

"Love your shirt; know what would go great with that? My bedroom carpet." - Luna

"Your pants must be a mirror; I can see myself in them" - Larry

No no no! It's the classic *goth* pick up line: "Nice *boots*... " (granted, it was only used as a joke on me... not that it would have worked in any case... nice boots inDEED!) - baFOG#1

It should be noted that "You look like an English schoolboy..." also doesn't work on Michelle. :-) - tyg

Reg & Garry, the Duel - Larry

As we can all see there is no other way to solve this problem. I declare a Thingie Duel. Choose your weapons: super-soakers at 30 paces or toy lightsabers. NightWalker and myself will second. We should meet on the Moors at midnight.

Aideu, aideu fair ladies and gentlemen. We go off to settle this once and for all. Brave men with nothing left but our honor as Thingies! Weep not! Remember us in your ballads of yore and the stories whispered to children at night.

Neil on Leo (Titanic) - Mariane Desautels

In rec.arts.movies.current-films, "Ian K. McDowell" wrote:

(okay, bad comparison, for as I heard Neil Gaiman say in an Atlanta sushi bar, "I can't take seriously an allegedly grand romantic tragedy in which the leading man looks and sounds like he'd go down on you for a bar of chocolate").

On the Dream Action Figure - baFOG#1

I think they should package him so that the surrounding plastic is 'dome shaped' - that way you can leave him trapped if you really want, maybe buy (make, whatever) your own helm/ruby/sandbag accessory kit and leave it just outside the packaging... okay, so i'm a twisted sadistic bitch, what's your point?

More on the Dream Action Figure - Morningstar

I'll sit mine on the floor and draw a circle around him... then do loads of speed and stare at him to make sure he can't escape!

Odd 420 Moment - NightWalker & Larry

-=- The NightWalker -=-
Who can't think straight due to a
Raw Fish, Pickled Ginger, Caffine high.

L: I wonder what would happen if you put that in a bong?

Currently on eBay - eddz

(after seeing HC, signed(w/Neil doodle), Season of Mists for sale)
why would ANYBODY sell such a thing? I bet if somebody found the holy grail, it would be on E-Bay within 24 hours.

hey, that would make a good comic.

Newsgroup Baby Names - Jenny Jo & Morgan Thomas

JJ: I am just waiting for something, anything, to come along, that I can name Eblis O'Shaugnessy. Good heavens, let's hope I get a cat or something before I have a baby! :-)

MT: Complete and unquestionable proof for anyone trying to prove comics cause irreparable brain damage.

In need of a new .sig - Jenny Jo

Can I have "one man's tripe is another man's haggis" for my sig file?

ObGaiman: We'd be cool in Spain - Lance "Squiddy" Smith

We may be nerds in our own land, but we'd be ultra cool in Spain.

The June (I think, it's not on my copy of the article) issue of the Spanish edition of Playboy has a list of ten things that will make you instantly cool. (At least that's what I think it says, the title is "10 clasicos para el eclectico cool instantaneo") At number five is El comic mas cool: The Sandman. Other cool things are Ziggy Stardust on CD, Spanish wines, Casablanca on video, and something about clothes in crude colors. (Colores crudos? Maybe earth tones.)

Birth of a pick up line - Larry

Is this the birth of a new pick up line? "Hey, want to come up to my place and see my Sandman comics? They're all first editions."

Neil as a pick up line - NightWalker

"Hey baby...let's go see if this 'Orpheus' cover glows in the dark!"

"I've got spare copies of issue 75 lining my bedsheets, hon."

"Nice 'Sandman' comics. Wanna fuck?"

On Eddie the ignorant poster - Morningstar

Eddie has a shovel. See Eddie dig!

Dig Eddie dig!

Some people criticize Eddie's hole digging habits. Some people criticize the criticism of Eddie.

Eddie just digs.

Personal Feelings about E-ville - Larry

I live in Indiana. Evansville, Indiana. But those of us that know it best we just call it, Gopher's Anus. If Hell had a definable location, and measurable Longititude and Lattitude, Hell would be Evansville, Indiana.

Chapel Hill - Sheri & tyg

S: Tournament time. You'd think the ACC was a serious religion, and that Dean Smith, Coach K. and Jim Valvano should all be canonized.

T: You mean it isn't a serious religion? Didn't the N thousand where N is a fair size number "If God is not a Tarheel, then why is the sky Carolina Blue" bumper stickers tip you off? And only Dean deserves canonization....:-)

Beware of Dog - Chris Shumway

I'm in Oakland pretty close to Michelle's new house. I wouldn't recommend any Thingies coming over, though: my fierce, ill-tempered bassett will do nasty things to intruders, like piddle on their feet or fall asleep in their laps. Beware.

Be Afraid - Reg

Now that is scary. A wired Nightwalker trying to track me down.

NightWalker as Santa - Ivory and NightWalker

I: Then why do I picture Walker in a Santa suit coming down my chimney with a claymore in one hand and a large sack full of the heads of the others on his list slung over his shoulder?

NW: Oh. <clears throat> Urban legend. Ignore that. That story is ALL wrong.

NW: It's an Easter Bunny suit, the claymore's on my back, and it's a pink duffel bag (to go with the suit). Of course, that's the bad list. If you're on the good list, I let you enjoy a few drinks first.

Remarks on the Corinthian - NightWalker & Christine Marie

NW: If the Corinthian came up to you and asked 'I think I have something in my eye, can you check?'...

NW: ...where would you look, and would you use dental floss?

CM: You're braver [or more foolish ;) ] than I. I think if the Corinthian asked me if he had something in his eye, I would find urgent business in another country. He can floss his own eyes, dammit.

Safe Muppet Sex - Ivory & Lucy Anne

I: Of course you should always practice safe muppet sex so wrapping that rascal with a rubber duck should do the trick.

LA: "Rubber duckie, you're the one/you make bathtime lots of fun"? ;)

Y2K - NightWalker & Lady Miss Tree

NW: "This episode is brought to you by the letters 'K', 'Y'....and the number 4!"

LMT: Would that be Y2KY? Allowing you to get 4 digits into your date instead of just 2?

Shameless Plug gone wrong - Ninave

You know, I have a feeling that pathetic begging to make people see my homepage would be ever so much more effective *if I posted the address*

"Young Goths" Category on Jeopardy - kudzu

It was very weird. The answers (or "questions") were:
What is black?
What is an ankh?
Who is the Sandman?
Who is Anne Rice?
Who are Bauhaus?

Patented Harvey Response - Harvey Lee

O_O  O_O  O_O  >_<  O_o

True Religion - JaNell & Chris Shumway

J: It truly frightens most of us who live in the Knoxville area, too, esp. if you don't belong to one of the three main religions: Vols (Go Big Orange Football, ick), Christianity, and, in a tie for third place, Elvis & The Big Truck Mentality.

C: Now THERES a religion I can get into... I can see Elvis and Jesus, tractor pulling across the 50-yard line as part of the Halftime Mass...

American Gods, indeed.

An Appropriate Welcome - Sheri

Anyway, welcome to the Sandbox, where the women are lovely, the men are sexy, and on Tuesdays they're interchangable. <g>

Mousey saga - Dreaming & Chris Shumway

M: Thus ends the saga of the rodent soap opera.

C: Tune in next week for another episode of "As The Wheel Turns"...

Ivory's Resume - Lucy Anne

Resume of Mr. Ivory J. Monkysquat
Somewhere, NC
Objective: ?
Qualifications: T-Shirt Designer Extraordinare, Wearer of Interesting Jeans, Purveyor of Fine Videos and Comic Books, and all around Funky White Boi, especially on Tuesdays.
Relevant Experience:
AFNG and Elsewhere 1968-current
_Smile Maker_

The evil pun thread begins - Scott & Sheri

Scott: Never send a rabbit to do the work of an eeeeevil punster!

Sheri: Or a rabbi to do the work of a peevish youngster. <s>

Decaf - Daniel Reid

Honestly, it's like a shaved hedgehog - not much point

Pink as the new black - Jenny Jo, baFOG#1 & Reg

JJ: Well, and then there's the Pink Crowes...not a pretty picture.

bF: Would this conversely make Tori's album "Into the Black"? or the cartoon "Blackie and the Brain"? Kinda gives new meaning to the term "Black Panther", non?

R: I'm afraid it's not that simple. As I understand it, black is the new beige, green is the new red, brown is the new grey and basically to keep up with fashion I'm afraid we'll all just have to replace our entire wardrobes.

Game Show Idiocy - NightWalker

If I was ever on there...I would just do something off the wall.

"The question is: What do 65% of the US population wake up to in the morning? A) Star Wars Figures, B) Credit Cards, C) Alarm Clocks, or D) Necklaces."

"Well Regis...I was communing with the dead a few nights ago, and one of them was informing me about the inherent evil in all mankind, and how the Egyptian god Set was the true ruler of the Earth, so I of course choose 'C', Alarm Clock."

Nerdpost - brian and NightWalker

b: Ok, is it a little weird that I actually saw Michelle's response to Walker's post before I saw the post she was responding to?

NW: Not at all.

NW: It's my....ummm....er...

NW: 'Stealth' post. Yeah....

NW: <grin?>

b: Usenet post decloaking off the port bow, captain!

Evil puns continued - Scott, Harvey, Reg, Morgana, Daniel

S: Evil pun shortage, you say? Can I be of assistance? *S*

H: Just so long as you do it for a good porpoise. :)

S: What's wrong with doing it just for the halibut?

R: Nothing. It's your Cod-given right and deep in your sole you know that you have no reason to feel any remoras.

M: Somebody needs to be pimpslapped with a very large trout. ;p

S: I guess that's our hint to clam up *S*

D: And way past time too. Some of us don't like herring bad puns. You're so shellfish !

H: We better come up with better material, 'cause we're floundering here.

What If All the Thingies Lived Under One Roof - Larry & Lady Miss Tree

L: pictures himself in one of his depressive moods, high on whatever the local dealer could provide; Walker passed out on the floor drunk and making obscene gestures with teddy bears, Michelle doing goddesses knows what with Fernando, Ivory doing goddesses knows what with MIss Tree (or one of us male thingies on TUesday), Reg sitting in the corner reading Hellblazer and remisicining about the days he had hair, shira spinning scratchy vinyl albums of the Beattles and QUeen . . .*

LMT: [Insert patented Harvey blink here] My God, man, you've practically summed up ConCat!

On becoming a famous author - NightWalker

I know that, if I ever do some writing and get published at the level that he is, I'd prolly do some off-the-deep-end thing, like being raised by Albanian Vampire Mice in Michelle's basement in San Francisco...or hell...I'll make it E'ville. <grins>

We're all special here - Larry

Every one this newsgroup is strange and twisted in some way. Which is why it's so fun. At times AFNG is like the special Olympics: lots of drooling and heavy breathing, but every one is a winner.